As I Tend To Do

photo by Simone Badour

Because that’s the way it works with me. I wait until the last possible second, and then I make a connection. When I least suspect it, and absolutely don’t need it…that’s when I meet a girl I like. If I thought too much about it, I could probably come up with some sort of character flaw that explains the whole thing in very simple terms. But sometimes self discovery is counter productive.

I am absolutely fantastic at making a connection immediately before moving across the country, and Portland was no exception. I thought I could get out, I wanted to get out, I almost got out. She got there first. A friend of a friend, a cutie I’d known for nearly my entire Portland stay. There were drinks and there was dancing, shy smiles and stolen kisses. A holiday and a celebration, and that should have been that.

But as these stories tend to go, that couldn’t have been the whole story. So we talked, we texted, we chatted, we messaged. And once again, as these things tend to go, she turned out to be cooler than expected. Which turned into thinking about her more than expected, at the most unexpected of times.

photo by Simone Badour

And my mind began to wonder. What if. Always the great What If. What if we’d known each other a year ago? What if we’d had an actual chance to date, instead just drawing out our goodbyes? What if we made a run at it from a distance? What if we’d held hands and wandered the waterfront with our trusty border collie, Mr. Chips?

And it was silly. Because I was silly. I am silly. I know this, I embrace it, sometimes I love it. I was leaving town, and she was set to leave as well, just a few weeks later. It couldn’t have worked in any long term sense. We’re different people headed in different directions, there was no future. Though maybe, if at the end of the summer, and I’m ready to split Minneapolis, and she’s figuring out her long term…

No. That’s no way to live life. Which is why it’s alright to think about the here and the now sometimes, regardless of the long term prospects. Fuck long term prospects. To live life by long term prospects is to disqualify a perfectly fantastic experience in the here and the now. And I’m very much living my life for the experience. For the here and the now. And I’m happy doing it.

She was tough with me, and brushed off the sweetest of compliments with a shrug, though her eyes gave her away. They lit up when she smiled and when she laughed, and especially when she called me ridiculous. I know how these things work. I am ridiculous. Eventually we’ll fade, and that’s alright. She’ll still make me smile, regardless of what she’s up to in the long term. And that’s the important part.

Please take a moment to check out Simone Badour Photography


14 responses to “As I Tend To Do

  1. One thing I’ve allowed myself to accept is that just because not all relationships go the distance – some are cut short because of our own doing; others for reasons out of our hands – the good ones have a positive affect on our lives regardless of how long they last. It can be bittersweet sometimes, for sure. But life is better lived when peppered with memorable personalities even if short-lived. And sometimes those are the ones that stay with us the longest.

  2. seanmcdonnellbrown

    that’s a fantastic way to look at it

  3. Pingback: Tweets that mention As I Tend To Do « The Anarchist Project --

  4. …and sometimes knowing something can’t last, or won’t last, makes it that much more vibrant at the time. xox

  5. And she’s lovely. I have a feeling your paths will cross again.

  6. God, this is awesome.

    And now I’m subscribing. As *I* tend to do.

  7. Ah, this is so buddhist! 😀

    live for the here and now. Excellent!

    These types of memories should be cherished, because we don’t take them for granted. Impermanence.

    Maybe your paths will cross. Maybe not. But you’re right. That’s no way to live. Be free!

  8. cest la vie…and nice pics:)

  9. a f*ckin’ work of word art.
    when your book comes out i want a signed copy!
    i said it once b4 but your waaayyy good at writing man and as i might add a lil under noticed like minor threat and gorilla biscuits =P

  10. i can’t help but feel :-/
    i’m gonna take the easy way out and blame it on the rain.

    now where’s my beer?

  11. I am pretty happy that I found this blog, you are a great writer.

    “To live life by long term prospects is to disqualify a perfectly fantastic experience in the here and the now.” Such a good piece of knowledge to take with me today, just brought up this same idea over coffee with a friend.

    Love the ending. I will be back for more.

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