He’s family.

“Yo cuz, what’d you say your cousin got out for?”

“ah, he took some kid’s eye out.”


“yea man, some kid was running his mouth about something or other and it came to a head.”

“what’d you mean, it came to a head?”

“I told you, boys had words, it got sorted out. What’d you want from me?”

“I’d like to know how our new roommate came to be incarcerated, and if he is a threat to you or me or anyone we might happen to have over to the house.”

“Listen cuz, you know that’s my cousin, don’t say shit like that.”

“Respect, and you know I love your mom, but I’m saying…you know what I’m saying.”

“It went down like this…”

“We were at the pub, you know Shamrock’s up on Randolph, and my cousin is with this new girl. And this girl is legit, right? Not one of those Broad Street girls from back in the day. But a real girl, smart, classy, all that. Anyway, it’s freaking my cousin out, because he ain’t ever been with a girl like this. Not just a hot girl, but someone with substance behind her, and he doesn’t know how to act around her friends. You know?”

“yea, I can dig, who hasn’t been there?”

“Truth. Anyway, so they’re at this bar, and this girl, she’s all class, she’s introducing him to all her hipster friends, and my cousin, he’s getting hot. Not cause of anything anyone has done, but just who she is, and where she’s from. And then this kid, this yuppie fuck from Cathedral Hill starts running his mouth. He’s one of those hipsters who life hasn’t touched, so he thinks he’s untouchable. But you know my cousin, he can’t stand on that. So this yuppie, he says the wrong thing one time too many, and it gets my cousin’s Irish up. You know, you can only push a kid so far, and my cousin, he got pushed far enough that night.”

“So what then?”

“So, this yuppie, the prick, he goes to take a piss, and my cousin, he’s right on him. He waits until the kid goes to the bathroom, and he follows him in.”


“Christ is right, but Christ ain’t helped that yuppie out that night. Must have been praying at St. Luke’s, when the kid should have been at St. Mary’s, how you going to help a kid like that? Anyway, the kid goes into the bathroom, and my cousin follows him in. The yuppie gives him some shit, calls him a fag, my cousin just smiles. Worst fucking smile you ever saw, like the devil had his hand in the whole thing. Anyway, my cousin, asks the yuppie if he wants to keep the right or the left? What a weird fucking question you know, the yuppie spits at him. Wrong move, my cousin pulls out his bottle opener and removes the kid’s left eye.”

“What’d you mean, removes?”

“I stutter? He took the bottle opener and scooped out that kid’s left eye. Got three years on assault.”

“And he’s going to live with us? Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“What can I say? He’s family.”


6 responses to “He’s family.

  1. interesting. You sure know how to keep up the interest. So, when’s your book gonna be published? Good luck to you. And, keep writing!

  2. stephaniecapstick


  3. This is great! You’ve got a great feel for conversation/tone/the whole shebang. Do more of this. xo

  4. Love.

    It reminded me of some of my favorite screenplays. The characters were well developed even without description, you put me right there.

    more please

  5. Sean…that was awesome.

  6. awesomeness. really, really enjoyed it.

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